Some News

A short story on what I hope it will be like.

Two lines. I never thought I’d be so happy to see something that looks so much like a math symbol because I am not that good at math.

But in that blissful moment, I also felt my chest clench around my heart and the air become thinner. Would I be good enough? Am I really old enough for this yet? Am I even ready for this yet? I guess there’s only one way to really find out, but that one way terrifies the fuck out of me.

Then came your tap-tapping from the other side of the door.

“Are you ok in there?”

I sniffled as I replied, “I have some news, babes. I have–” I pushed myself up off the ground– “some news.”

The brass handle slowly turned and the door tip-toed in at the pace you were following behind it. As your eyes peered past it and found my nervous smile, tomato cheeks, and glassy, teary eyes, you let the door swing open.

“Here she comes.” I handed you the little white and pink stick where the lines appeared.

“She?” you asked, your eyes furrowing until you took the plastic stick and looked at it. The green-blue eyes widened like I’d never seen before. “Who said we’re gonna have a girl?”

Taking your hand, I jumped up and threw my arms around you, sobbing and laughing and smiling and worrying all at once. But most of all, I couldn’t stop thinking about whether or not we were ready for this. I had no ring on my finger, and I’m fresh out of grad school. Pressing my face into the crook of your neck, I considered what we might do if we weren’t.

Adoption? No. The system can be good sometimes but it’s also a nightmare when it isn’t.

Abortion? Respect to the women that choose it but, I think it’s wrong. I could never go through with it personally.

What else is there to do then?

Nothing. I already knew that ready or not, this child was about to take over my life and his, and there’s nothing I can do about it that I’m ok with. You must’ve seen my face drop in that moment because–

“Hey,” your earthy blue-green eyes searched for mine, “You’re going to be the best mother you can be, and that’s all that matters. You have so much love in your heart, there’s no way you could be anything else.”

In the back of my mind I thought of what possessed you in that moment because you were never great at giving sage advice or wise words like that, which made me laugh just a little before I let out a frog-like hiccup. You laughed through the few tears rolling from your eyes, and suddenly the nerves vanished. I was ready– we are ready for this. I’ve never been so sure.